I never thought I’d stoop so low as to write about something so personal. Events of the past week, however, make it extremely necessary.
I hope you’ll forgive and won’t think worse of me.
I have a hot ass. That’s right, I said it! I have warm buns. I’m rocking a toasty tushy. I’ve got heat in my seat!
What do I have to thank for my burning bum? It is the magnificent testament to high-tech innovation – I give you the seat warmer!
Who knew such comforts existed? I certainly didn’t have this feature in the old Detroit Dinosaur.
With just a tap of the button, the seat warmer’s deft, frisky fingers melt away the chill while they wrap around your backside, caressing the contours with a welcomed, hot embrace, much like… (I’m sliding from PG to R, so maybe I’ll let you complete this simile however you like).
During the process of acquiring the Seoulmobile last year, it was all I could do to suppress a chuckle as the sales professional extolled the virtues of the seat warmer that came standard with the model we were considering.
To myself, I thought “I live in HOTlanta! Why would I ever need a contraption designed to warm my car seat and subsequently the arse (Shout out to my UK homies) sitting in said seat!”
And then the temperature dropped – like the market in ’08 – to unheard of lows for this (and mostly like your) part of the country.
I’m no longer questioning the inclusion of seat warmers in the Seoul mobile.
En route to the 9 to 5 one particularly frosty day this week – my bottom nestled in the seat warmer’s sultry grip – I thought about automobile options and the days when my frugal parents eschewed such bells and whistles when purchasing a vehicle. In fact, I thought we hit the lottery back in the mid-70s when John Sr. rolled up in a Ford LTD with an FM band and a cassette player!
Oh, how far we’ve come and how sure I am that my parents would be proud that their baby boy is cruising down highways and byways with a warm butt!